Hot Mess Express Adult Unisex TeeThis train has no brakes, no schedule, and the conductor is covered in yogurt. There are no stops between here and bedtime. Passengers are encouraged to hold on and lower expectations. The Details: Features a retro cartoon steam train with a grumpy face, wearing a conductor's hat, rolling down the tracks engulfed in pink flames. The text reads "All Aboard The" in pink arched lettering above, "Hot Mess" in large yellow distressed block capitals, and

You feel them

The dramatic collapse in the grocery store

Blue distressed arched text reads "Fake Falls" above "Fit" flanked by two stars

Number one on the roster

" in bold uppercase above a stylized brass knuckles illustration with a cartoon smiley face built into the design (the finger holes form eyes and the handle forms a grin)

Both have smiling faces

The comedy hall of fame has a permanent resident

Your kid came here to be a hundred percent and honestly

A blue and white shield-shaped badge logo with "Trd" and "Mrk" flanking a star at the top

Every piece of furniture is a jungle gym

Not everyone gets the invite

Both have white cartoon hands and feet